If there’s one thing that almost every single one of our clients want and what I was always searching for it’s the secret to beating self-doubt, that sense of not being good enough, worry about ‘getting it right’ and all the sleepless nights that come with that level of overthinking.
Well, I came across the answer 3.5 years ago, Christmas 2019 and everything changed for me. If you’ve ever worked with me you’ll know I talk about it as The Inside – Out Understanding and you’ll know the profound effect it had on me personally, for my own peace of mind AND for me as a parent AND for me as a coach AND for me as a leader.
Every single piece of our coaching and development programs has this at it’s core. There’s a simplicity to it that creates the transformational shifts in everyone that we work with.
Do you want to know the secret of how to live a life, love and lead in High Definition aka clarity, confidence and calm?!
Well.. the secret is in this letter. My mentor read me this letter last week, by Mavis Karn*. I was grappling with which book I wanted to write first and whether it will have the impact I want in the world. Mavis, he not so subtly pointed out to me, wrote this letter in 15mins and it has certainly had an enormous impact in the world!
It is simply stunning in the way it shares the secret to what it is I’m guessing you’re looking for.
Mavis wrote it as a farewell gift to a group of young incarcerated boys she had worked with for over two years. When her prison-project was coming to an end, she wanted to gift them something (and, as she says, a pair of socks each just didn’t seem right!)
In true Mavis style – with grace and humility, she doesn’t take credit for the contents of the letter that I have shared with you below. She said the letter wrote itself!
The Secret by Mavis Karn – shared, unedited and entirely for YOU wondrous one.
As an HD coaching experiment:
- Allow the feeling of the words of this letter to soak in; relax into it.
- Quieten your mind and let it be.
- Read it without trying to ‘get it’. Let whatever comes to you while reading this letter come to you.
Dear Kids (and former kids),
I have a secret to tell you; nobody meant to keep it from you… It’s just that it’s been one of those things that’s so obvious that people couldn’t see it…like looking all over for the key that you have in your hand.
The secret is that you are already a completely whole, perfect person. You are not damaged goods, you are not incomplete, you are not flawed, you are not unfinished, you do not need remodeling, fixing, polishing or major rehabilitation. You already have within you everything you need to live a wonderful life. You have common sense, wisdom, genius creativity, humor, self-esteem…you are pure potential…you are missing nothing.
The only thing that can keep you from enjoying all that you already are is a thought. One thought, your thought. Not someone else’s thought. Your thought . . . Whatever thought you are thinking at the moment that feels more important to think than feeling grateful, alive, content, joyful, optimistic, loving and at peace. . . that’s the only thing that’s between you and happiness.
And guess who’s in charge of your thinking? Guess who gets to decide where your attention goes? Guess who gets to write, produce, direct and star in the moment you’re in the middle of? You! Just you. Not your past (stored thought), not the future (did you ever notice that it never, ever shows up?), not your parents (they all think their own thoughts), or your friends (ditto), or school or television or situations or circumstances or anything else. Just you.
Thinking is an awesome capability. Like any capability, it can be used whether as a tool or as a weapon against ourselves and others. And just like with any other tool, we can tell whether we’re using it for or against ourselves by how it feels. When we think against ourselves or others, we get in trouble. When we don’t, we usually stay out of trouble.
FEELINGS EXIST TO WARN US AWAY FROM USING OUR THINKING TO CREATE TROUBLE IN OUR LIVES AND TO GUIDE US BACK TO OUR NATURAL, HEALTHY ABILITY TO LIVE OUR LIVES TO THE FULLEST.
So, please remember that your thoughts are not always telling you the truth. When we’re in low moods, feeling down, our thoughts are not be trusted…our IQ drops. When our thoughts pass and we lighten up, our thinking is once again creative, positive…our IQ goes up.
The only way you can feel badly about yourself and your life is if you think badly about them… it’s up to you, every single minute you’re alive. It’s always up to you! This is the best, most liberating secret I ever learned, and I want you to know it too.
What do you notice differently after knowing the secret? If you want to talk about your thinking, book a free 45min Chemistry Call with me here to talk about what’s challenging for you and how High Definition coaching could move you or your team forward.
We will also be opening the doors for the Autumn/Fall cohort of the HD Inner Circle Coaching program soon. Join the HD Inner Circle Waitlist to be the first to know when Doors Open for new enrolments. We are driving our mission to democratise coaching! A full year of coaching for only £997 (for individuals with a special early-bird discount!)
If no one else tells you today, I want to be the one to tell you that I am grateful for YOU. Thank you for being a part of my day, and thank you for being a part of my world.
*Mavis Karn is one of the original students of Sydney Banks, a Philosopher and author he found something so profound that it is dramatically impacting the lives of millions around the world. Psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, teachers, police officers, CEOs, entrepreneurs and countless others experience powerful insights and beautiful changes in their work and their life overall, simply from reading or hearing his words.