Celebrating Vanessa: Senior Partner Professional Services Firm
“I think more slowly. Because I’m not so busy. My mind isn’t so busy dealing with everyone, all the other crap that’s there. So, I just feel freer to think things through. And I guess, think before I speak, think before I behave.
It’s a lot clearer place to be less frantic, more effective.”
Vanessa
Gitanjali – High Definition You Coach
Welcome. Hi, everyone it’s Gitanjali here from High Definition You and I am joined by the magnificent Vanessa, who is going to share her story of the coaching journey over the last few months. Welcome, Vanessa, thank you. Tell us a little bit about who you are and what you’re up to in the world.
Vanessa
I’m an Audit Partner at BDO and I’ve been here my entire career, nearly 26 years. But, it’s not the Audit Partner bit that really excites me, that’s certainly not why I’ve stayed here. I’m also Head of People for Financial Services. We’re about 600 people now. And it’s that bit that really keeps me coming back every day. Looking after all those guys.
I’m also responsible for Global Asset Management as well. I keep the international community together. So, you can get that I love people stuff. Anything to do with helping people and making this space awesome, is really important to me.
Gitanjali – High Definition You Coach
Lots of balls in the air, you know, there’s the client side, the people side, the internal piece, share with us a little bit about what you were struggling with. What did life and work look like before we started coaching together?
Vanessa
Pretty crap! Too busy, I was overwhelmed with everything. I was saying “yes” to everything. Doing everything and being everything, including home as well.
And even at home doing too much just a story of my life doing everything. I was a doer. I say I “was” a doer because I no longer am a doer. That was how it looked for me job trying to do everything and achieving nothing brilliantly. That’s how I felt.
Gitanjali – High Definition You Coach
Was there any resistance to starting coaching? So, you’d identified and we’d have a conversation. These were the challenges. And what if any resistance came up for you as you were considering taking the coaching journey forward?
Vanessa
Yeah, I mean, the minute you said to me, we should spend time together, I was like, Oh, something else to do! I have no time. I’ll never have any time, I’ll never be able to dedicate time, I’ll never make time to think about anything. And I’m too experienced, you know, I can’t learn anything. I’ve had a coach early on in my career. And, I made Partner so, I am the way I am.
Gitanjali – High Definition You Coach
So, what changed, then? What results have you seen as a result of the coaching journey?
Vanessa
I’m not the way I am! Which I didn’t know.
I think what I’ve learned is the two things that really stuck with me. One is the piccolo story. Being yourself, and you know, you’re born and you are the way you are. And I clearly love people and that that is true. That’s not something other people have told me or my life experiences made me believe, if you like, and I think what we’ve done is unpick what is not true about me. I’m not a doer. I’m not super hard working. I’m not the person that has to do everything.
It’s just all these things that I felt people told me and I believed. “You’re a troublemaker”, “You’re disruptive”, “You’re too colorful”, “You’re too loud.” “You shouldn’t be here”, “You’re too fluffy”. You know, all these things over the years, that people tell you. And then you tell yourself, “I make people happy.” ”I’m a pleaser” etc
which I now know aren’t true. It’s just stuff. And I think what, what I’ve started calling it is actually my baggage.
I was telling this story to some Pas, we were getting ready for a party. And I was saying, “I’ve got coach” and they said “Vanessa, you don’t need a coach.” And I said; “I needed a coach.”
And they said, “…but you’re so confident.”
And I said “No, you know, I was walking into meeting with all this crap in my head, like, I’m not articulate enough, they will know so much more than me. I’ll never be as good as all the men in the room. You know, all this stuff. And now you just go leave your bags at the door.”
Imagine trying to get in the door with all that baggage. It’s like a nightmare. And you’re going to the meeting. And now I just don’t.
I’m more now, I have more time to think about what I want to think about rather than Oh, can I say this? I’m allowed to say this, you know, it was just so busy in your mind. And now actually, it’s not
Gitanjali – High Definition You Coach
And what do you think have been the results? Outwardly for clients or
someone on your team? If that’s what’s changed internally? What are the results from an external perspective?
Vanessa
I think they see me as more calm. A bit more together, maybe braver, I feel braver? Because I don’t feel held back by fear of what will that person think of me? If I say this? Now, I don’t care. You know, I really don’t care. Because my piccolo will only say the right thing.
My family have found to be calmer. I try not to judge them. And when I say things like “my husband’s a lazy sod”, it’s not true, just because I say it, it’s not true. So I’m more patient with him? So that’s been better. And I’m also nicer with my kids.
Gitanjali – High Definition You Coach
And this is the beauty, isn’t it, that the unfolding nature of it professionally, and personally, is such that things start to change in both areas of your life. Often people come and they’re like, this is a thing professionally, that I want to be different. And you can’t help but not go into both spheres. And I’m always going to meet you where you’re at in both areas.
Because sometimes coaching can be this sort of vague experience, people can’t necessarily wrap their heads around, can you take me to an aha-moment or an example of when you knew that the coaching was working?
Vanessa
Well, we’ve talked about spiders a lot. I still deal with spiders every day. Because I told myself, and so did everybody else. So, I was petrified of spiders, I couldn’t be near one, couldn’t be anywhere near one couldn’t be calm around one.
And
I don’t know what it was, but it was quite early on, actually. And you were telling me, you know, these things aren’t true. You know, it’s what you tell yourself. I think I was born afraid of spiders. And, and I know I had a bit from what I was young, and maybe it came from that. I don’t really know. But we were just chatting, and we’re chatting, and then I was sitting at home. And a spider sort of went near me. And instead of just going mental, which I literally would have screamed and left. I just went I’m not afraid of spiders. You know, there’s no logical fear there.
And then I started to unpick the thinking, you know, then when you go into meeting rooms, I’m not less articulate because I didn’t go to a private school. You know, I’m not too colorful to be here, all this kind of stuff.
Yeah, and so that that was really a big deal for me. I think that really made it I do it every time because I did see a big spider the other day it was in my bag. And it caught me by surprise. And I went and ran a mile and I was like, why do I do that? I’m so annoyed. I know I’m not afraid of spiders.
Gitanjali – High Definition You Coach
In your bag, oh, my goodness. I remember you telling me about that it was our second session. And in the first session, we talked a lot about the feeling coming from your thinking and your experience. And I remember saying what have you noticed to be different? You said, “Well, it’s only been a week, I haven’t noticed, you know too much yet.” You said; “well, then there was this one thing about spiders.” And I was like, that’s everything in a nutshell in the spider shell, if you will have the realization of that. And then the deepening of that in the application of that, as you say to meeting rooms to you know, conversations with clients, more senior leadership, etc. And what that actually means. I will never forget that.
What we call ourselves “Possiblists” is not “Optimists”, certainly not “Pessimists” and not “Realists”… “Possiblists”. So what do you see as possible now that once might have seemed impossible to you?
Vanessa
I held myself back a lot. I didn’t put myself forward for things, I thought I couldn’t do things because I’m not as good as other people in the room. And this isn’t to say I wasn’t confident, because I always was. But I think when I really had to push the boat out, I’d hang back.
I didn’t really know what else I could do, other than what I’m doing at the moment.
Now, I don’t believe that.
I honestly think I could do anything!
Just as long as it’s right for me. I’m now exploring, what does the possible mean for me? You know, and I’m not really too sure. But I’ve got loads of ideas, you know, even like a new role I might create here to do what I want to do, and not being held back by, with “I couldn’t do that”, or, “that person is probably much better at it than me”. Why not go for it? You know, if you don’t get it, it doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t matter at all, actually.
And I probably will. I’m not afraid to try things. And to put myself out there.
Gitanjali – High Definition You Coach
And what is it about the way that I work that’s allowed you to get those results.
Vanessa
So you don’t tell anything, which is really important. I don’t like to be told anything anyway.
I can’t use the same language that you do. But when I’m not talking from my Piccolo, when I’m using, you know, all the bits outside the circle, which are not, is not me. When I’m doing that you don’t go “Oh, sock-it, that you’re being this, or you’re doing that don’t do that.” You just ask questions, and then I go, “Oh, God, I’ve done it again.”
And then I can see it myself.
If you work with high performing people, we probably all can see ourselves, but you just make that possible.
Gitanjali – High Definition You Coach
What surprised you about the coaching journey? You said at the beginning, the resistance was like, Oh, I’m not going to have time. What surprised you along the way?
Vanessa
I think the realization that anything is possible. And it’s silly to say it’s not possible.
Even where I said, Oh, gosh, I’ve got to do this. And this is hard. And you said, “Well, why don’t we do it now? What if it wasn’t hard?
And I did it, you even helped me word emails differently to get more of an impact. And I do think that’s what you’ve done very well and you probably also do for others is help people have impact by tweaking. It’s not changing. it’s just tweaking, thinking slightly differently, releasing potential.
I didn’t think that would be possible when I first started this with you.
But yeah, I mean, I think about I think my email wording all the time now. And also even the way that you told me to write emails in such a way to create less emails. So I do that now.
A lot of thinking around doing less, or doing more, but better.
This is all thought and we haven’t worked together for too long, so this is all stuff that is going around in my head all the time. You know, don’t do that. Don’t write that. Don’t be that, you know, when it’s yeah, it’s all the time.
Gitanjali – High Definition You Coach
I remember you saying that at the beginning; “oh, well, I don’t know how much can change in three months”. And what I’m hearing now is, and I know because I’ve been there next to you, is a lot can happen quickly! And the thought that you’re talking about in the consciousness around that doesn’t take time and it’s not hard work to do that.
Vanessa
No, I wouldn’t have believed you until we’ve done this. But you’re right. I am slow, I think more slowly.
Because I’m not so busy. My mind isn’t so busy dealing with everyone, all the other crap that’s there. So, I just feel freer to think things through. And I guess, think before I speak, think before I behave.
It’s a lot clearer place to be less frantic, more effective.
Gitanjali – High Definition You Coach
So, take me back to the beginning. And if you could choose one word to describe you then. And one word to describe you now, what would it be?
Vanessa
So I was going to say (I’m not very good with words) restricted or, you know, held back that whatever a really articulate word for that is. And now I just feel free to say or think what I want to. I’m free to think from and for myself. I’m not worried before I speak what others might hear. Because it’s right, if you’re speaking from your piccolo from your place, then you will never say the wrong thing. Actually, it’s only when you’re trying to be something else or react to someone else’s reaction that you say other stuff.
Gitanjali – High Definition You Coach
I love it. Restricted to free that’s, that’s the words I heard. I love long winded if it’s coming from your Piccolo, then it’s connected, right?
Vanessa:
My piccolo might be long winded.
Gitanjali – High Definition You Coach
Ha! It’s one long note on the piccolo…
What would be three words that you’d use to describe the coaching journey.
Vanessa
Amazing.And enlightening. And special.
Because it’s for me. And I don’t have much for me. Me time, that’s four words. And that’s five words, because me time, but it’s for you. And we don’t ever do that. You know, everything at work is giving to others, giving to the you know, giving at home giving at work. And this was for me, which is awesome. I love that.
Gitanjali – High Definition You Coach
So if someone’s watching this, and they feel inspired to maybe go to their boss, whatever level they’re at and say, actually, there’s something here that I can unlock, what would you say to them?
So I thought I would get a flat “no”.
Because I didn’t think that there was coaching for, people at my level. And then you told me there was.
So I was like, oh, oh, and then I spoke to a couple of those leaders that you’re working with? And they said, No, you absolutely have to do this. They should absolutely be supportive.
Things similar to what I’m saying now, actually. And I just asked, I had no expectation I just asked, and it was a resounding “yes”.
Gitanjali – High Definition You Coach
Why do you think he said, Yes, your boss?
Vanessa
He explained what he would like me to be, and how I wasn’t. And I think that’s why he’s invested in this.
Which also makes me feel valuable, you know? Which is really nice. Because, you know, when you get certain levels, you don’t often feel that anymore.
So no, I mean, I think I think he wants me to be better. Which means be more like myself, if that makes sense?
Gitanjali – High Definition You Coach
It makes total sense.
And it has been an absolute joy to unlock more of you being more of yourself. We’re gonna continue the journey. Thank you so much for sharing your story today Vanessa and helping other people understand what it’s all about and what can be different and I’m looking forward to seeing what’s next for you.
Vanessa:
Thanks Gita.